Constantly Reflecting

As I move away from how I have always identified myself (as a student), I find myself constantly reflecting. I spend a lot of time writing, reading and getting my thoughts together as I decide where next I'd like to go with my life.

I'm determined to make the most of my time, because I really have no idea how much time I have left. None of us do - and that's not me being morbid, that's being realistic. Since I do know that I will leave here eventually, I've made it my business to make sure that I make the best of however much time I have left.

And so I only do those things that I really want to do, I only invest my time into individuals where I can give and get something back in return, and I find myself constantly checking in with me, asking "are you sure you want to do this?" More times than not, I answer yes.

I think I've always been reflective, but even moreso as I approach 30. There's just something about 30 that screams "I'm grown" to me. Your 20s, you're still allowed some mistakes, but your 30s? Sure, your life won't be perfect, but for me, I've always had this time limit around exactly how much of my life should be figured out and accomplished by then. And so that's how I've lived my life...I went to college right after high school, I moved away from home right after college, I tried my hand at the accounting career I'd dreamed about since I was 14 and when I decided I wanted to try something different? I did just that. I worked for an online university and found my niche as an encourager and career coach. I loved (and still do) working with people as they worked through their strengths, figuring out which career path to take, being their champion as they went on their way. And based on that, I decided to remain a student and pursue another degree in Higher Education since that's precisely what I did - encourage people to pursue higher education. Sounds logical right?

But somewhere along the way, as I pursued that degree, I found that I didn't have time to do what made my heart sing. I no longer had the free time to pursue other interests - I worked 20 hours per week and the rest? School had that time locked DOWN. No ifs, ands or buts about it - especially if I wanted to keep my scholarship. During this first semester, I had a birthday. My 29th to be exact. And on my bornday, as I usually do - I looked around at my life. Looked at the things I had done up until this point, what I still wanted to do and made a decision about how I would go about getting there. Everything that I wanted (physical fitness, control of my own time, owning my own business, getting married and having children, homeschooling my children, traveling), as I took stock, it seemed that the PhD wasn't fitting in. As a matter of fact, the PhD was actually taking me away from doing all the things I wanted to do in my life. So I had a decision to make - do I stay in this program that I just gave up my life for and moved across the country for? Or do I quit and try something else?

This was a pretty hefty decision to make - so I called on my "advisory council". I heard quite a few things - stay and get those letters, they'll make you look good; get out while you can if this isn't for you; and last but not least? My Granny said "if you're stressed out, take a break. you can always go back next semester can't you?" Gotta love Grannies don't you?

And so with my Granny's blessing - I had a word with my advisor. And I quit.

So here I am - for the first time in my adult life, not in school and not making plans to go to school. And so I do what I do best...reflect.

I reflect on the goals I have for myself and start planning on just how to reach them. And out of the WWW comes 2 challenges. Both are for the month of December and both require some work on my part. Feel free to join in if you dare - we're only on Day 5 so you can still catch up if you really want to :)

End of Year Fitness Challenge: Single Ma recently lost ~60 lbs and chronicled her journey. Since I'm approaching 30 next year, I figure now's the best time to get on board with my fitness so I'm doing Couch to 5 K and cooking at home.
http://fabulousfinancials.com/2010/11/end-of-year-health-fitness-challenge.html

Reset Your Life Challenge: Rosetta Thurman assigns "homework"/journaling assignments that really call for you to dig deep and do self work. It's been an enlightening experience thus far.
http://happyblackwoman.com/join-the-31-days-to-reset-your-life-challenge/

I hope you'll journey along with us and improve yourself for the month of December. You've earned it and you deserve it.