So it's been a while...actually it's been a bit more than a while. More like ages since I last wrote? Work has been extremely hectic...so hectic that I thought I was a goner for a little while there. I really had to buckle my bootstraps and make sure I didn't get fired.
As I looked at my manager and the things I felt she was doing "to" me, I took some time to reflect on the things I was doing to myself. I had failed to realize that I was not giving my job 100%. I failed to realize that I was basically giving my manager the bullets and then getting mad at her for loading them into her gun. Was she nitpicking? Sure. But did I have any responsibility in the matter? I certainly did.
After much reflection and analysis, it dawned on me that I was doing more work than I had been contracted to do. Isn't that all work is? A contract? More on that topic in another post..."Contract Work". But basically, I was forcing myself into underpayment. I was hired as an academic advisor. I'd accepted that contract, but then thrown in organizational consulting and executive development for free. And the kicker? My efforts weren't being recognized. So what does all that mean? It means that even though I was getting paid the same 34k I'd always gotten, I was now GIVING over 100k worth of advice. Sounds like it's time for my contract to be renewed doesn't it? I agree ;)
In any event, I discovered I was putting 90% of my effort into the consulting piece and giving the remaining 10% to the job that I was actually getting paid to do. If I were the employer, I'd definitely say it was time to renew that contract! As an employee, I was not doing the job I was getting paid for. Thanks for the free services you'd thrown in, but the job I hired you for still needed to be done. So I tell you what - I'll give you an opportunity to get your act together. I'll place you on written warning. Oh you didn't think this was a serious matter? You thought I was going back to my old ways of saying something and not following up and keeping track? Well then let me place you on final written warning so that you know for sure I'm serious.
So here I am, sitting on final written warning. And for the second time in my life, I feel like I'm about to get fired. And so I start trying to save myself. Have you ever seen someone drowning? They flap their arms around, they kick, they exert all this energy and because the current is more powerful than their flailing arms, it eventually overpowers them and takes them under.
That's what was happening to me. I was drowning...my manager was finding everything she could (only the things I provided to her of course) as ammunition and basis for her argument that I was a detriment and liability to my team. And so I fought...at first I threw things back at her. I became argumentative and pointed out how she could stand to improve. When that didn't get her off my back, I quickly got on the 1-a-day plan. I applied for at least 1 new job every day. When that didn't work, I focused a bit more on keeping my job and scaled down to the 1-a-week plan. Yet I noticed I still wasn't getting any callbacks. What was the problem? I have this wonderful accounting degree from a Big Ten University. I'm pursuing a graduate degree in nonprofit management. I volunteer doing the same type of work I'm applying for. Why won't anyone save me from this current? Somebody, anybody please throw me a life raft!
The last resort? Put all that extra energy into my job. Spend less time talking about what SHE was doing and what THEY could do better and how much I already knew and start excelling in the work for which I was getting paid. The weekly goals? I exceeded them. The daily phone metrics? I exceeded those too. After all the arm flailing and screaming, I found that simply sitting still and focusing my energy in one direction is what saved me from the current (that is my manager) taking me under.
In the process, I was offered and turned down 2 jobs. When I leave, I will be walking toward my destiny and not running away from fear and so called bad management. Oh and guess what else? I've re-evaluated my contract. I am now ONLY doing the job that I get paid for. All my other energy has been redirected toward personal development, toward building my own empire and toward doing those things I like to do the most - serving others, volunteering and inspiring/motivating others. I will be hosting a monthly seminar series beginning this month. Next month, I will be attending a conference that will qualify me to administer the Myers-Briggs Type Inventory to individuals and groups. Now that I've relaxed, life is finally getting GOOD!
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