Every Now and Again...

I wonder what life would be like if I was offered one of the many positions I have applied for.

I received another rejection letter via email today for a position I applied for back when I was "desperately" seeking employment elsewhere. Now that I'm content with my work situation, I wonder if my reflection on the universe is accurate.

I have come to the conclusion that I should be an entrepreneur. What a revelation right? LOL...that's something that I've always felt in my spirit and anyone who knows me and believes in entrepreneurship probably already knew this. I've been told over and over again that I need to work for myself, but I have always doubted myself for one reason or another. At one point, it was I need more work experience. Earlier this year, it was I need more education. And here we are at THIS point. I've applied for the jobs I feel would help me better run an organization of my own. I have enrolled in a graduate program I believe would give me the theoretical base.

And yet I still receive rejection letters. Did I mention I also volunteer doing the work I'd like to get paid doing? In spite of all that, I'm still not "entrepreneuring".

Why? Because I have yet to JUST DO IT. Work experience and education are technically "on the job" tools. Things you will get the most benefit from only after you've DONE IT. So what's keeping me paralyzed?

I hate to say it...oooh it's such the punk way out...but it's the truth.

F...E...A...R. There I said it...I'm afraid. Afraid of the unknown, afraid I'll fail, afraid things won't be as glamorous as I imagine them to be. Afraid that I'll fall on my a$$ and I'll find out that I didn't know as much about life as I said I did.

But you know what? So what. I'm afraid and I'm going to do it anyway. I have a part time job on top of this full time job only because I like the idea of having "spending" money. They will be laying off soon because my department is closing. Even before I'm forced out, I am making moves to begin my own business.

Nothing too complicated...actually something pretty simple. Something that's needed, wanted and uniquely me. Something that calls for my expertise, something that can move with me (because I yearn for mobility), something that relies on my experience, something that compliments all of my interests. Something that encompasses all the things I already do for free. And I'm not telling... :)

I will tell this ... I'm doing it. The funding for it is "in rotation", but I'm doing it. And I'm happy and excited about it.