Things to Change

I get out, I get out of all your boxes
I get out, you can't hold me in these chains
I'll get out Father free me from this bondage
Knowin' my condition Is the reason I must change
"I Get Out" by Lauryn Hill (MTV Unplugged 2.0)

In my undergraduate career, I met a lot of really cool, intelligent, politically aware and socially conscious people. Some of them I've maintained contact with, others I didn't. At the time I considered myself pretty open minded, but now that I've grown a bit more, I can see that I really wasn't as open minded as I thought.

If you can't have a discussion with someone whose values and belief system is different without it becoming a shouting match or without being SO headstrong that you can't simply agree to disagree, you are NOT open minded :) Lesson learned...

In any event, once I had my fill of corporate america, of fulfilling my life long dream of leaving behind my urban existence and making a life for myself outside of the ghetto of Chicago, of not worrying about the material things I wanted - like clothing, cars, electronics, food, etc. - I found that I was still unfulfilled. I also found that all my life I'd dreamt of going to college and moving away from home and once I'd done it, I had never planned beyond that.

Eventually I began making other plans for things to accomplish during my lifetime - things like seeing the world, getting a M.S. degree, buying property, going on a cruise. Still somewhat materialistic, but goals nonetheless.

So here I am working on my M.S. degree, with plans of traveling to Nigeria next April since my college roommate is getting married, and I wonder - I know there has to be more to life than this right? Or at least that's what I used to think...

I'm at a point in my life where I truly believe I've discovered my purpose - to help others. I mean I truly enjoy helping others accomplish their goals in life. Some call me scatterbrained because of the million things that are constantly going on in my head or because of the random knowledge I have or because of the innate sense of connecting people to resources. But I've always felt that everything I do, everything I know is nothing if I'm not using it for a much greater purpose than myself.

It's a strange feeling...but it's almost as if I DON'T help those around me, I feel like I'm doing a disservice to the WORLD. Some call me crazy, but it's the truth.

Now that I'm truly in a position where I've "made it" I feel like I HAVE to give back. I mean there are children in my community losing their lives because they want to chase the green. Aren't I my brother's keeper? Isn't it MY responsibility to let them know that once you get to that point, it's not all it's cracked up to be? If not me, then who? Who am I supposed to leave that responsibility to save my neighborhood to? Politicians? Aldermen and women who are yet still chasing the green themselves? Who would rather make money and have meetings and rub elbows and brown nose rather than make real change?

I can't. I wish I could, but if I can't. If I didn't speak up or make changes or at the very least TRY to make a difference, how could I look myself in the face? How could I sleep at night?

So for all those socially conscious people making a difference that I missed out on during the ignorance of my youth and self centered stage - I apologize. I'm not there yet, I'm still discovering who I am, but I'm trying my best not to miss another opportunity to grow, another opportunity to meet someone new, another opportunity to get out of all the boxes be them BGLO, Female, African American, Afrocentric - whatever. I get out.