Speeding Toward Passion and Purpose

7 lbs down, 38ish to go...

2011-01-08T21:26:00.008-05:00

It's been close to a month since I last posted. Why? Because honestly I really didn't feel like it. I'm out living life and I hope you are too! That doesn't mean I've given up on my weight loss journey though - actually, quite the contrary.

I really am adopting a healthy lifestyle - which means, eating right and being fit are becoming a natural and normal part of me. Last month, I colored my calendar neon green on every day that I worked out - 19 days total - go me! For this month, I'm keeping the green for workouts and aiming to hit the gym at least 5 days per week NO MATTER WHAT. Oh the benefits of belonging to a 24 hour gym.

When I first started this challenge, I think I was attempting to change too many things at once. Matter of fact, I KNOW I was. Now, I'm attempting to tone it down a little. I've made the gym a habit, so now I'm throwing in my water as habit #2. Initially, I said a gallon of water a day. Couldn't track that PLUS the gym PLUS the cooking PLUS all the other stuff I was trying to do, so I'm goaling for 2 liters per day now. I have a 1 liter water bottle that I'll keep refilling and I've begun drinking water as soon as I wake up to help me accomplish the water goal.

As for weigh ins, I've been doing those consistently. Because I don't cook meat at home and normally only eat it when I go out, it seems that I'm developing a distaste for it- maybe because I don't eat itas much? Or maybe because I spend a large portion of my free time reading about all the horrible things they and their by-products do to my digestive system and overall weight loss goals. Either way, I'm excited that I'm developing an affinity for veggies. I hit the grocery store and the first place I go is to the produce aisle. I'm buying stuff I have no idea what to do with, but you can bet your bottom dollar that I'm googl-ing a recipe for it soon as I get home. I'm also definitely getting my money's worth out of my little $20 spice rack.

Oh and I forgot to mention - I lost weight over Christmas when I went to Chicago! I couldn't believe it! I'm sure it had a ton to do with me bringing my water bottle everywhere, keeping my baby carrots on hand and popping them after, before and during every MEAT splurge and oh yeah, can't forget that guest pass I got from Bally's. I only ended up going to Bally's one day, but I spent 2 hours in the gym that day, burned about 1000 calories according to the counters and then went stepping immediately after that. I guess it's true what they say - when you make more healthy choices than unhealthy, the numbers become your friend. I also noticed that according to the green marks on my calendar, the week I went home I worked out 4 days total - Thurs and Friday before I left, Monday at Bally's and Thursday soon as I got back. I'm almost like an addict - I'll hit the gym anytime and anyplace...I got home at 1:30am the other day b/c I was at my new club of choice.

Not sure when I'll post next, but I did want to pass along a few great sites that I'm reading almost daily.

blackgirlsguidetoweightloss.com -- I get tons of information about the right foods to eat and how the writer is personally doing in her quest to make her 150+ weight loss a permanent part of life. She has recipes, workouts and just overall great information on there.

debramoorhead.com -- I just found a calorie counting approach on this blog. it's somewhat dated, but it still works - basically using online calorie counters, you figure out the weight you want to weigh. the counter will spit the number of calories you need to eat in order to maintain that weight (for me, to maintain 145 lbs - which is what I'm shooting for - I need to eat around 1750 calories). this gave me an idea of where I'm going - I don't calorie count simply b/c I haven't gotten that ingrained with the details, but at least I know what I'm looking for in case what I'm doing stops working and I need another approach. currently, what's working for me is doing more of the healthy stuff (exercise, water, cooking, juicing) and less of the not so healthy stuff (eating out, decreasing meat and dairy).

In addition, I'm also finding that to keep me motivated, I STAY finding success stories. Women's Health magazine has them online and the 2 blogs above are also success stories of women who've lost the weight and kept it off. I guess it makes it real for me when I know I can read about someone who's accomplished what I'm striving toward - helps me know that "hey! i can do that too!"

So here's the #s:
LBS FAT% H2O% Muscle%

12/2 190.4 47.5 39.5 35

12/9 186.8 46.6 40.1 35.3

12/16 186.0 45.5 40.8 35.7

12/23 184.4 46.3 40.4 35.3

12/31 183.2 46.3 40.4 35.3

1/6 183.2 46.3 40.5 35.3

Oh yeah - it just hit me that for anyone trying to do what I do, you might want specifics lol. I'm eating oatmeal most every mornings for breakfast (my ex bf would be proud of me - he tried to get me to do that 10 yrs ago but I refused lol), no more than 60 mins of cardio 5times per week. Last month I was doing no more than 45 mins of cardio 4 to 5 times per week, but I'm stepping my game up. I fell off on tracking to a T the couch 2 5k plan, but i'm still doing intervals on the treadmill whenever I feel up to it and hitting the weights. I called myself working out with a fit friend the other day and I'm still in so much pain 2 days later that I'll probably start doing total body workouts with him 1 time per week and doing weights 2 other days besides that. Reason being, I read an article recently that mentioned rest being as much a factor in building muscle as weight lifting. And now that I think about it, I had the greatest results when I was working with a trainer in 09 3x per week on weights and doing cardio 5x per week. Only thing left is getting my eating together. Though I eat pretty well, I have a nagging feeling that without incorporating the meat, I'm not getting enough calories. I should be eating my weight in veggies to make up for it, but I really just don't feel like eating most of the time :( That could be why for the first time, my weight didn't move this past week. We'll see...I bought some protein powder *gasp!* so maybe that'll be my easy solution? I know...I hate processed foods - but I've got to figure out a way to get enough calories in my diet. I'll count it as a trial - there's no dairy (it's soy based - which isn't the best either) and it was $10 at wal....mart so we'll see.

More than anything else, what I'm finding out is that works for somebody else may or may NOT work for me. Though it's nice to communicate with others along the way, this really is an individual journey toward finding out what works best for your body, preferences and tastes. For example - I can bake just 6 cookies and only eat 2 at a time - that works for me. I can substitute white flour for a mixture of oat flour and whole wheat flour and white sugar for brown - that works for me. I can juice like crazy and eat a mainly vegan diet - that works for me. But then I also work IT. Trial and error baby - if it's gross the first time around, I sub something out the next time around and try to figure it out. Case in point - I vow to win this war against hummus - it was okay the first time I made it, but I really need a higher grade blender to make it creamy the way I like it. Soon, Betty Crocker aint gone have nothing on me!

It's Friday Yall!

2010-12-10T09:53:00.002-05:00

So I just got back from the gym and I feel great! Nothing like an early morning sweat to get the day off to an excellent start! So a few things - the weight is coming off nicely if I say so myself :) Since the weight and I have been in this tug-of-war relationship for quite some time, I really do feel as if I should be having some type of ceremony to say goodbye...a funeral, if you will.

I mean my weight and I have been together through the good and the bad, the ups and the downs of life. It's provided comfort, warmth and protection from the evil stares. And now that I'm giving it all up or the extra I should say - shouldn't I do something special to commemorate it's homegoing? I think I should...I'll put some more thought into it, but I really do think that I should do something to say goodbye. But for my Week 1 results, here they are:

Fat% H2O% Muscle%
12/2 190.4 47.5 39.5 35
12/9 186.8 46.6 40.1 35.3

I lost 3.6 lbs, nearly 1% body fat AND gained muscle! All in a week's time! That is so crazy - just by eating at home, drinking more water (as you can see by the increased hydration level) and kicking off the Couch 2 5k program? Wow ... I can only imagine what the results are going to look like as I spend more time at the gym. Speaking of - this week (on Tuesday) I got a gym membership at Planet Fitness so I wouldn't play myself far as C25K is concerned. It's getting nippy outside so I knew I wasn't going to be running outdoors anymore. And can you believe it - my membership is only $10 per month! Who can beat that? Not me! So I've been in the gym daily since I got it...a very fit friend of mine mentioned on facebook that he was hitting the gym 2x a day so I figured I'd try it too ... my energy levels are bananas right about now! Maybe it's the gym doing it, maybe it's all the good food I'm eating - I don't know. Either way, I don't care! I'm just excited to be accomplishing my currently number one goal on my list - to make physical fitness and healthy eating a natural, normal part of life. As I was preparing one of my monster smoothies, I started thinking about an analogy for exercise.

You know how we take our dogs for walks everyday? If they're young dogs, they like to run around and play. If they're older dogs, we just take them out to get their exercise.

Well shouldn't humans be like that too? I mean let's think about this for a minute...we're in the animal kingdom just like dogs. Dogs eat the same food day in and day out, have bowel movements regularly and have TONS of energy (cats too for that matter). And they eat what, once or twice a day if they're lucky? Yet, as humans, our diet is WAY more diverse and counting how much we nibble/snack all day or get the "can-i-have-somes" I know for a fact we eat waaay more than 2x per day. But do we have boundless energy that makes us jump off the walls? Heck are we even having regular bowel movements? Unless you're eating right at least 80% of the time, probably not. And come to think about it, the only thing dogs and cats drink are water compared to our juice/pop/liquor.

Why is it considered "normal" to be tired in the morning? To need an expensive cup of joe as a "pick me up"? To have meat be the mainstay of our diet, to cover our veggies in butter/cream/sauce? What do you think would happen if you started eating more veggies, drinking more water and thinking of food as "a source of energy and nutrition rather than a source of comfort"?

I'm pretty sure I know what would happen...we'd HAVE to get to the gym to burn off all the excess energy we'd have. We wouldn't need caffeine as a boost to get the morning started - our early morning workout would do that for us. And dagnabit we certainly wouldn't be trying to lose weight - our great eating habits and daily exercise would naturally give us the weight and body composition we're supposed to have.

Even though when I started this thing, I had a goal in mind of weighing my high school weight of 140 to 145 lbs, even more than weighing a set amount, I would love to have excellent muscle definition (think muscles that show without "making" a muscle), being able to complete a half marathon without stopping (April 30 - already signed up), running a 5k in 30 minutes or less (April 29 - signed up for that too lol) and having a healthy eating/healthy living habit. I don't know about you, but I'm well on my way to being there.

Till next time - peace.

Techno-Free Tuesdays!

2010-12-07T23:17:00.000-05:00

I had my first taste of "technology free" life when I went to Nigeria in 08. Sure, there was internet and cell phone usage, but not for this American. Didn't want to spend the money I had on things that would make me wish I was back in America - what would be the point? So instead I spent my money on enjoying the present - Nigeria.

Soon as I stepped foot on the soil, I could feel that someTHING was different. Couldn't put my finger on it, but I was intent on finding out just what it was.

The longer I was there - without being tied to my email, my cell phone, my family - the more peace I discovered. It was like I'd stepped back into time ... and there was peace like never before. So when I returned and I was back "connected", I longed for the peace that was Techno-Free responsible.

And so once per week, I highlight an aspect of technology-less living I've rehashed and am reliving.

When's the last time you used a beer bottle for a rolling pin?

Last week during one of my cooking frenzies, I made ginger snaps more or less by this recipe (subbing olive oil for the butter, using fresh ginger and more than what's called for in the recipe, had no cloves, subbed agave for molasses, used brown sugar vs white and used a mixture of whole wheat flour, ground oat flour and ground flax seeds instead of white flour) and didn't have a rolling pin. As I surveyed the kitchen for what I could use, I noticed the beer bottles I'm saving to recycle until all the beer's gone. Voila! Transported back to my childhood when I remember Granny keeping a floured beer bottle in the cabinet - only to be used when making the "from scratch" peach cobbler dough. Who knew those beer bottles would come in handy? Not me!

Next the recipe called for using cookie cutters...I remember from improvising when I was about 12 with the biscuits NOT to use a water glass for this - the pressure destroys the glass. So what'd I use? A plastic mug with "thin lips" - thin enough that it would "cut" the dough. Perfect circles coming right up!

So there you have it - a little less technology for that arse...sometimes reminiscing is a good thing - especially if it reminds you of how good you felt smelling cookies baking in the oven as a kid...my family still has a picture of me as a kid, sitting cross legged in the kitchen, cake bowl in my lap, hand in the bowl, with chocolate batter on my face. I guess it's no wonder I enjoy baking :)

ETA: As I wrote this, I realized just how creative I am in the kitchen - made hella substitutions in this recipe and didn't think twice about it - hey gotta use what i have when I'm not trying to spend any extra money. Cookies turned out great by the way! Next time I'll use even MORE ginger - and as I was cleaning, I saw that I did have ginger in my spice rack after all - never even looked.

Constantly Reflecting

2010-12-05T22:53:00.003-05:00

As I move away from how I have always identified myself (as a student), I find myself constantly reflecting. I spend a lot of time writing, reading and getting my thoughts together as I decide where next I'd like to go with my life.

I'm determined to make the most of my time, because I really have no idea how much time I have left. None of us do - and that's not me being morbid, that's being realistic. Since I do know that I will leave here eventually, I've made it my business to make sure that I make the best of however much time I have left.

And so I only do those things that I really want to do, I only invest my time into individuals where I can give and get something back in return, and I find myself constantly checking in with me, asking "are you sure you want to do this?" More times than not, I answer yes.

I think I've always been reflective, but even moreso as I approach 30. There's just something about 30 that screams "I'm grown" to me. Your 20s, you're still allowed some mistakes, but your 30s? Sure, your life won't be perfect, but for me, I've always had this time limit around exactly how much of my life should be figured out and accomplished by then. And so that's how I've lived my life...I went to college right after high school, I moved away from home right after college, I tried my hand at the accounting career I'd dreamed about since I was 14 and when I decided I wanted to try something different? I did just that. I worked for an online university and found my niche as an encourager and career coach. I loved (and still do) working with people as they worked through their strengths, figuring out which career path to take, being their champion as they went on their way. And based on that, I decided to remain a student and pursue another degree in Higher Education since that's precisely what I did - encourage people to pursue higher education. Sounds logical right?

But somewhere along the way, as I pursued that degree, I found that I didn't have time to do what made my heart sing. I no longer had the free time to pursue other interests - I worked 20 hours per week and the rest? School had that time locked DOWN. No ifs, ands or buts about it - especially if I wanted to keep my scholarship. During this first semester, I had a birthday. My 29th to be exact. And on my bornday, as I usually do - I looked around at my life. Looked at the things I had done up until this point, what I still wanted to do and made a decision about how I would go about getting there. Everything that I wanted (physical fitness, control of my own time, owning my own business, getting married and having children, homeschooling my children, traveling), as I took stock, it seemed that the PhD wasn't fitting in. As a matter of fact, the PhD was actually taking me away from doing all the things I wanted to do in my life. So I had a decision to make - do I stay in this program that I just gave up my life for and moved across the country for? Or do I quit and try something else?

This was a pretty hefty decision to make - so I called on my "advisory council". I heard quite a few things - stay and get those letters, they'll make you look good; get out while you can if this isn't for you; and last but not least? My Granny said "if you're stressed out, take a break. you can always go back next semester can't you?" Gotta love Grannies don't you?

And so with my Granny's blessing - I had a word with my advisor. And I quit.

So here I am - for the first time in my adult life, not in school and not making plans to go to school. And so I do what I do best...reflect.

I reflect on the goals I have for myself and start planning on just how to reach them. And out of the WWW comes 2 challenges. Both are for the month of December and both require some work on my part. Feel free to join in if you dare - we're only on Day 5 so you can still catch up if you really want to :)

End of Year Fitness Challenge: Single Ma recently lost ~60 lbs and chronicled her journey. Since I'm approaching 30 next year, I figure now's the best time to get on board with my fitness so I'm doing Couch to 5 K and cooking at home.
http://fabulousfinancials.com/2010/11/end-of-year-health-fitness-challenge.html

Reset Your Life Challenge: Rosetta Thurman assigns "homework"/journaling assignments that really call for you to dig deep and do self work. It's been an enlightening experience thus far.
http://happyblackwoman.com/join-the-31-days-to-reset-your-life-challenge/

I hope you'll journey along with us and improve yourself for the month of December. You've earned it and you deserve it.

Is there really a line between thick and fat?

2010-12-03T14:42:00.001-05:00

As I finished up Day 2 of the couch to 5k plan, i wondered about Black folk and the lies we have forced ourselves to believe to avoid working out.

I thought about my own lies - lies about it being okay being "thick" i.e. slightly overweight, though according to BMI qualifying for the "obese" category. The foods I've grown accustomed to eating, the lack of exercise in my life...all of these things and I wonder, is there really a line between thick and fat? And really, who determines what that line really means?

I can remember even as a kid having struggles with my weight. I guess you can say I was even "thick" back then. Always had butt and a stomach for as long as I can remember - forcing myself to do sit ups at 8 years old didn't quite seem right, but I did it anyway so I could have a flat stomach like everyone else...I didn't know then that all children aren't built the same. It's funny because I love being active - I just wasn't because my environment wasn't. Well I hate feeling like my life is outside of MY control, so I suppose it's time to change my environment. Slowly but surely - for now, I'm okay jogging alone, finding my groove and proving to myself that it can be done.

Day 3: Reset 10
In other news, I'm participating in a "Reset Your Life 30 Day Challenge" over at Happy Black Woman. We're on Day 3 and today's assignment was to list your values. I love stuff like this - I've seen people list their values and they usually list those that are wishful thinking. A great add-on activity would be to list what someone else would say your values are based on the life you lead - not sure if that would get folk into too much of a negative rut or not though. Have to put on my coaching hat and suggest that part 3 of the exercise would then be listing 3 steps to get you from what your values appear to be to where you want them to be, what you can do to start today and listing who will hold you accountable.

Enough on upgrading someone else's homework - my values are below:

Great friendships
Personal development/lifelong learning
Peace
Achieving my goals
Travel
HAPPINESS/FUN
Sharing what I love with others
Entrepreneurship
Listening to/trusting my inner voice
Taking responsibility for my own fate/destiny
Forming a community of like minds

As I look over this list - I think my values are pretty in line with the way I'm living my life today. I won't lie - it's been a scary journey getting to this place - not having many people around who believed in me, scared as hell that I had no idea what I was doing and that I would fail. Looking back, I now realize that those that didn't believe me, COULDN'T - our values were totally different. I also realize that failure isn't really failure if you get back up, dust yourself and try again. If you haven't reflected on your life, now is a great time to start. It helps to look at where you want to be and check to see if you're in line to making it happen.

Have a great Friday!

Day 1

2010-12-01T21:44:00.000-05:00

So I said I was working on improving my health - couple reasons for that.

1 - Getting my precollege body has been on my to-do list for TOO long. It's time to put up or shut up - I'm going to be 30 next year, so if I'm ever going to be fit and fabulous, before 30 is a great time to make it happen (especially since I want to eventually be responsible for a husband and child - better to do it now when I'm only responsible for Numero Uno)

2 - I've been reading Single Mom's blog for quite sometime and she recently (i.e. over the last 11 months) lost 60 lbs - close enough to my goal weight to make it real for me. My own goal is to go from 190 lbs (last time I checked) to 160 lbs by April 30 (date of I-Challenge) to 140 lbs by October 26, 2011. Her posts were so inspirational, I'm planning to do something similar (meal plans, cooking more at home, blogging about the journey, drinking more water, starting with the Couch to 5k plan) - I figure all of this will help hold me accountable.

** I signed up for a half marathon on April 30 (no worries, I've done a full (Chicago Marathon in 2009) and a half marathon (Illinois Marathon in Champaign in 2010) before - even more of a reason why I should be in shape!) so to be 30 lbs lighter by then would make it a whole lot easier to finish within my 3 hour goal.
** The I-Challenge is a 2 day challenge - a 5k on Friday and the half marathon on Saturday. All participants get an extra special medal for completing both :) Crazy? Insane? Utterly nuts? Yeah, probably - but I know me. If I don't set a goal, it won't get done lol. I've got 5 months to get myself together. Single Ma proved during her journey though that it's a day by day journey - one step at a time. Long as I prepare myself, I'll be fine (taking food with me at all times)

3 - Ever since moving to the East Coast, Chick Fil'A has been getting the best of me. Now mind you, I don't cook meat - but if someone else is doing the cooking? Shoo - I'm doing ALL the eating! And judging from a recent picture, I've been doing that and some :(
Oh well no need in getting too sad about it - I figure if I eat and exercise and do what I know to be the "healthy choice" at least 75% of the time, I'll be in there like swimwear! (in there being this 30 inch waist goal staring me down from across the room where my goals are posted)

4 - Yesterday, I started the Couch to 5K running plan. Why do that when I've completed a marathon, half marathon and a few 5Ks? Because I've been on the couch now for a while. Better to start from ground zero and lower my injury risk - I also found this - a guy who recorded podcasts, telling me when to run and when to walk as I go through the C25K program. The music is different, but it gets the job done. Finished Day 1 yesterday, today I'm taking "off" so we'll see - that's the plan. May do some light walking, but that's it.

So there you have it - I'm having the time of my life here in Bmore and among other things, it's time to get it right, get it tight!

peace, love and light -
6

Returning

2010-11-30T21:24:00.000-05:00

It's been quite some time since I've been here...first the job blocked the site, then I didn't want to fill MY blog with complaints, life got in the way and here we are Dec 1st Eve and I'm returning.

Lots has happened in my life and many have suggested I blog - not knowing that I'd already started and not finished. So here I am, back again - here's a quick run down of what you missed:

1-Graduated with my Master's in Nonprofit Mgmt, emphasis in Fundraising Mgmt.
2-Left the job I used to complain about that partially filled my mission in life (encouraging others to pursue their passions and purpose in life by way of expensive a$$ online higher education)
3-Relocated to East Coast from the Midwest
4-Started a PhD program in Higher Education
5-Turned 29 years YOUNG!
6-Quit PhD program in Higher Education lol

So now that we're all on the same page, let's rehash some of the things that are still the same:

1-Still passionate about encouraging others to pursue their goals
2-Still passionate about entrepreneurship
3-Still interested in coaching
4-Still impatient about life and making sure I'm living the best life I can NOW rather than later

So the current goal (among others) is to improve my health - I saw a picture of myself and I was DISAPPOINTED. I know what I need to do, I've done it before - cook at home, limit the processed foods, drink more water.

How will I accomplish all this?
1 - Eating home cooked meals (at MY home) daily (this is quickly turning into me cooking everyday)
2 - If it comes in a package, make it myself (i.e. guacamole, bean dip, tortilla chips) - all of which I've done before and if I haven't, hey no time like the present to improve my cooking skills!
3 - Drink 1 gallon of water per day (I haven't been drinking anywhere near enough water so this will take some creativity on my part but I'm up for the challenge.)

Pretty sure this is it for now - still reading my favorite blogs (Fabulous Financials, Rosetta Thurman) and definitely planning on adding my own flavor to the mix.

peace, love and light-
6

I am..

2008-09-09T19:38:00.000-04:00

All that I have been called to be...
All that is unique to me...
I am
discovering.

Who I want to be when I grow up
Where I will raise my children
I am
discovering.

Will I homeschool my children?
Will I pursue an EdD?

I am discovering -
Everything I dreamt about as a child is changing
All the things I thought were important are changing
Things like booku bucks, friends for days (and nights), designer clothes
All those things are not REALLY real

They are fake, temporary, destroyable...
Those things do not dictate who I am
Or who I will be
Or even who I WANT to be

But...
I am discovering...
Spirituality does
Understanding will
Love already has

Made me just the way His will has dictated. And I am discovering that
everyday I'm getting better at
discovering
where
I
am
going.

Every Now and Again...

2008-09-09T19:25:00.000-04:00

I wonder what life would be like if I was offered one of the many positions I have applied for.

I received another rejection letter via email today for a position I applied for back when I was "desperately" seeking employment elsewhere. Now that I'm content with my work situation, I wonder if my reflection on the universe is accurate.

I have come to the conclusion that I should be an entrepreneur. What a revelation right? LOL...that's something that I've always felt in my spirit and anyone who knows me and believes in entrepreneurship probably already knew this. I've been told over and over again that I need to work for myself, but I have always doubted myself for one reason or another. At one point, it was I need more work experience. Earlier this year, it was I need more education. And here we are at THIS point. I've applied for the jobs I feel would help me better run an organization of my own. I have enrolled in a graduate program I believe would give me the theoretical base.

And yet I still receive rejection letters. Did I mention I also volunteer doing the work I'd like to get paid doing? In spite of all that, I'm still not "entrepreneuring".

Why? Because I have yet to JUST DO IT. Work experience and education are technically "on the job" tools. Things you will get the most benefit from only after you've DONE IT. So what's keeping me paralyzed?

I hate to say it...oooh it's such the punk way out...but it's the truth.

F...E...A...R. There I said it...I'm afraid. Afraid of the unknown, afraid I'll fail, afraid things won't be as glamorous as I imagine them to be. Afraid that I'll fall on my a$$ and I'll find out that I didn't know as much about life as I said I did.

But you know what? So what. I'm afraid and I'm going to do it anyway. I have a part time job on top of this full time job only because I like the idea of having "spending" money. They will be laying off soon because my department is closing. Even before I'm forced out, I am making moves to begin my own business.

Nothing too complicated...actually something pretty simple. Something that's needed, wanted and uniquely me. Something that calls for my expertise, something that can move with me (because I yearn for mobility), something that relies on my experience, something that compliments all of my interests. Something that encompasses all the things I already do for free. And I'm not telling... :)

I will tell this ... I'm doing it. The funding for it is "in rotation", but I'm doing it. And I'm happy and excited about it.

Dream Reader

2008-09-05T19:54:00.000-04:00

I read dreams.
I listen intently to the words spilling from your mouth. The ones fighting to be made free.

I listen to your thoughts, watch your actions and put them together to form a nice, pretty picture. I force them to make sense.

I smell your fear and I taste your inclination to avoid the inevitable. I feel your passion, yearning to break free from the ordinary and predictable events of yesteryear.

I am you...so I know you. I know your feelings. I know both your successes and your fears.

In spite of it all, I believe in you. I know the heights to which you will soar if you will just allow yourself to let go of what "they" say you should do with your time...with your life. I have seen the mountaintops to where you will travel just as soon as you accept your differences and grow comfortable enough in your own skin to stop allowing "them" to abuse you...mentally, verbally, emotionally.

I know where you are going...I hear it in your voice. I see it in your actions. I feel it in your dreams. You are well on your way. And you when you get there, you will have scars from the battles you had to fight to get there. But you will make it.

How do I know it? Because I saw it in my dreams.

Contract Work

2008-09-05T10:05:00.000-04:00

Life is filled with contracts. Written contracts - like the forms you sign when applying for a credit card or a prenup. Oral contracts - like when I told my friend I'd pay her $1200 for her bedroom set. Last but not least, you have implied contracts - like when you are hired to do a job, the implication is that you will do the best job you can.

In my life, I have several contracts. I have implied contracts with friends and associates that say as long as we are on the same wavelength and share some of the same values, we will remain friends. At any time if you disrespect me or I feel as if we are growing in seperate directions, then that contract will more than likely be discontinued.

In my professional life, the written agreement is that if I do the work; I will be paid. If I do not do the work we have agreed upon, then I will not get paid. In my current position, I have recently renewed my contract. I've taken it upon myself to review my contract and adjust my behavior accordingly. After a bit of reflection, I discovered that my employer was actually getting more work out of me than we had originally agreed upon.

And such is life. In friendships, relationships and professionally, I consciously CHOOSE to enter into a contract. If at anytime I feel as if the relationship is extending outside of the previously set boundaries, it is my duty to review the contract. To make sure the terms of the agreement are in tact and are mutually agreed upon. If in the process leading up to the contract renewal, I discover that I have changed the terms of the agreement without making the other party aware of the change, it is then my responsibility to confirm the change with the other person. If I choose NOT to make them aware of any changes on my part, then I have no one to blame but myself. If two parties have a contractual agreement together, yet there is no agreement on the terms of the agreement, who is to blame?

All of this to say - I have contracts with my employers. I am choosing to enter into contract with them. I have contracts with my family, friends and anyone I allow to spend time in my inner circle. I choose to enter into those as well. If at any time I no longer believe in the terms of said contract, I reserve the right to cancel the contract. If I choose to renew the contract, I am saying I agree with the past behavior; I agree with the way you treated me in the past. You too have a choice when it comes to renewing contracts. Won't you review some of your contracts today? You may find it's time to cancel some and write in additional requirements for some others :)

It's Been a Long Time...I Shouldn't Have Left You...

2008-09-04T18:11:00.000-04:00

So it's been a while...actually it's been a bit more than a while. More like ages since I last wrote? Work has been extremely hectic...so hectic that I thought I was a goner for a little while there. I really had to buckle my bootstraps and make sure I didn't get fired.

As I looked at my manager and the things I felt she was doing "to" me, I took some time to reflect on the things I was doing to myself. I had failed to realize that I was not giving my job 100%. I failed to realize that I was basically giving my manager the bullets and then getting mad at her for loading them into her gun. Was she nitpicking? Sure. But did I have any responsibility in the matter? I certainly did.

After much reflection and analysis, it dawned on me that I was doing more work than I had been contracted to do. Isn't that all work is? A contract? More on that topic in another post..."Contract Work". But basically, I was forcing myself into underpayment. I was hired as an academic advisor. I'd accepted that contract, but then thrown in organizational consulting and executive development for free. And the kicker? My efforts weren't being recognized. So what does all that mean? It means that even though I was getting paid the same 34k I'd always gotten, I was now GIVING over 100k worth of advice. Sounds like it's time for my contract to be renewed doesn't it? I agree ;)

In any event, I discovered I was putting 90% of my effort into the consulting piece and giving the remaining 10% to the job that I was actually getting paid to do. If I were the employer, I'd definitely say it was time to renew that contract! As an employee, I was not doing the job I was getting paid for. Thanks for the free services you'd thrown in, but the job I hired you for still needed to be done. So I tell you what - I'll give you an opportunity to get your act together. I'll place you on written warning. Oh you didn't think this was a serious matter? You thought I was going back to my old ways of saying something and not following up and keeping track? Well then let me place you on final written warning so that you know for sure I'm serious.

So here I am, sitting on final written warning. And for the second time in my life, I feel like I'm about to get fired. And so I start trying to save myself. Have you ever seen someone drowning? They flap their arms around, they kick, they exert all this energy and because the current is more powerful than their flailing arms, it eventually overpowers them and takes them under.

That's what was happening to me. I was drowning...my manager was finding everything she could (only the things I provided to her of course) as ammunition and basis for her argument that I was a detriment and liability to my team. And so I fought...at first I threw things back at her. I became argumentative and pointed out how she could stand to improve. When that didn't get her off my back, I quickly got on the 1-a-day plan. I applied for at least 1 new job every day. When that didn't work, I focused a bit more on keeping my job and scaled down to the 1-a-week plan. Yet I noticed I still wasn't getting any callbacks. What was the problem? I have this wonderful accounting degree from a Big Ten University. I'm pursuing a graduate degree in nonprofit management. I volunteer doing the same type of work I'm applying for. Why won't anyone save me from this current? Somebody, anybody please throw me a life raft!

The last resort? Put all that extra energy into my job. Spend less time talking about what SHE was doing and what THEY could do better and how much I already knew and start excelling in the work for which I was getting paid. The weekly goals? I exceeded them. The daily phone metrics? I exceeded those too. After all the arm flailing and screaming, I found that simply sitting still and focusing my energy in one direction is what saved me from the current (that is my manager) taking me under.

In the process, I was offered and turned down 2 jobs. When I leave, I will be walking toward my destiny and not running away from fear and so called bad management. Oh and guess what else? I've re-evaluated my contract. I am now ONLY doing the job that I get paid for. All my other energy has been redirected toward personal development, toward building my own empire and toward doing those things I like to do the most - serving others, volunteering and inspiring/motivating others. I will be hosting a monthly seminar series beginning this month. Next month, I will be attending a conference that will qualify me to administer the Myers-Briggs Type Inventory to individuals and groups. Now that I've relaxed, life is finally getting GOOD!

Once per month?

2008-06-23T18:35:00.001-04:00

I'm not sure how many viewers I have, but even if there's only ONE, I apologize sincerely to you!

I'm not here as often as I originally thought I'd be when I started this, but since I'm not one for excuses, I'll just hop to it :)

Have I mentioned Meyers Briggs and the brilliance of it all? I am a true ENTP...

E = Extraverted (from where my energy comes - from objects outside myself)
N = Intuitive (how I perceive - drawing information from and seeing meaning and relationships in everything)
T = Thinking (how I make decisions - with my mind, not my feelings)
P= Perceptive (how I'm organized - leaving as many open ended options as possible!)

I'm an idea person...I love verbal debate - but only when it's on a topic of interest...I LOVE the possibility of it all...I enjoy working with people...I can find similarities and connections between any two objects, ideas, things, people...I am a natural entrepreneur...I struggle with being "neat"...I can find the answer to any problem, issue, concern or challenge...I don't "fake it" very well - what you see is what you get...I love learning!...I enjoy helping others find answers since I'm pretty good at finding answers on my own...

Just to give you an inside look into me...

Long Time, No See

2008-05-28T13:22:00.000-04:00

It's been a while precious blog...i'm sorry!

So what's new with me? Well let's see...

I really wish people would not ask me my opinion if you don't plan on taking it. Sure I acknowledge that I am young and SOMEWHAT inexperienced. On the flip side of that coin however, I have an innate sense of hierarchy, working inside bureacracy and how to work the system. Isn't that why some ask me my opinion in the first place?

I am unique in that I don't have to wait until I'm 50 years old with 30 years of experience under my belt to know what I'm doing. Sure, there are some things that I have no clue about. In those instances, I really have no problem saying "I don't know". However, when you're asking me about something I know, take what I'm telling you. Otherwise, please don't waste both of our time asking.

I thank my sorority for showing me what politics were really about. I thank God for giving me this gift of knowing organizations like the back of my hand. He has allowed me to "see" things before they happen, so much so that obviously people do not believe what I say to them simply because they can not see it for themselves. Thankfully I'm growing in such a way that I don't have to curse or yell or scream when someone asks my opinion, I give it to them and yet they still repeat - I don't know what to do. Didn't I just tell you? Okay, maybe not. In those cases, I simply redirect said person to someone who has higher regard in their eyes. Someone who's opinion they value and respect. Someone who will tell them the EXACT same thing I just told them. Clearly, I'm not the person you wanted advice from in the first place. And that's okay.

In brighter news, I'm LOVING my graduate program! I've been emailing the "world" and getting advice from those who are doing what I'd like to be doing with my life...TEACHING!

It's exciting to be so close to your purpose in life, so close to your calling, so close to your destiny. This truly is the greatest thing ever. I don't think anyone could have ever described this feeling for me...this is DEFINITELY something you have to experience for yourself!

Today, I went running and I felt truly powerful. I mean like pure...like I was connecting with my ancestors. As crazy as it sounds, it was simply me and the pavement. Me the individual against the world...that's how I felt. And even though it was only me, I felt like I could still win. Me and the elements. Avid runners probably already know what I mean...how I felt. This is such a GREAT time in my life right now! Even with the crazy stuff that goes on around me, I choose to focus on the good, the GREAT, the BEST part of life!

Warning...Not So Positive...

2008-05-01T14:01:00.000-04:00

Self righteous? Sometimes...I'll admit it. But sometimes the people around me make me want to SCREEEEEEEEEEAM!!!!

The people who care more about Oprah's segment on puppy mills than the number of poor and homeless in this city. The people who would rather focus on making money and advancing their portfolio than donating time or even THOUGHT toward something larger than themselves. The people who talk about pure nonsense ALL day long.

Lord give me strength...

When I give you a plugger on a program that will keep youth off the streets so that they WON'T try to jack you for that nice car you're indebted for the next 10 years for, you look down on me. But in the very next breath you're inviting me to some party? You wear your oh so gorgeous fraternity paraphernalia to the workplace, but when I ask you when your next service project, you give me the $h!* face.

Where have I been? Has the world always been this way? Has my head really been THAT far in the clouds that I couldn't see what was going on around me? I realize I'm ultra positive - sometimes to a fault. But is it really this bad out here? I mean do you mean to tell me that NOBODY wants to be part of the solution? Instead, they'd rather be part of the problem?

If you're watching someone drowning and instead of trying to give them a hand, you simply stand there and stare or even worse turn your back on them, aren't you just as guilty as the person who pushed them into the pool? Why not?

My head hurts sometimes when I'm at work just listening to the ignorance that's spewn around me. Tuition for this online university is going for $60k for a Bachelor's degree. $60k!!! And you want to give me a packet filled with reasons why the latest tuition increase is justifiable? Give me a break!

We are meeting a need for some...I'll give you that. But is what we're offering really work sixty thousand dollars? Somehow I don't believe it. I can't force myself to believe that I'll have LESS THAN $60k total for both my undergrad and grad degrees and yet this school that I work for is worth HALF that. Come on now!

Okay world...so now you know...I HAVE to get out of here! I'm trying my best to move on. I mean I'm literally ITCHING to make a difference in someone's life. But no one's hiring me!

Later on, i'll come back and edit this and put a positive spin on it. But not right now...I'm not in the mood.

Things to Change

2008-05-01T12:24:00.000-04:00

I get out, I get out of all your boxes
I get out, you can't hold me in these chains
I'll get out Father free me from this bondage
Knowin' my condition Is the reason I must change
"I Get Out" by Lauryn Hill (MTV Unplugged 2.0)

In my undergraduate career, I met a lot of really cool, intelligent, politically aware and socially conscious people. Some of them I've maintained contact with, others I didn't. At the time I considered myself pretty open minded, but now that I've grown a bit more, I can see that I really wasn't as open minded as I thought.

If you can't have a discussion with someone whose values and belief system is different without it becoming a shouting match or without being SO headstrong that you can't simply agree to disagree, you are NOT open minded :) Lesson learned...

In any event, once I had my fill of corporate america, of fulfilling my life long dream of leaving behind my urban existence and making a life for myself outside of the ghetto of Chicago, of not worrying about the material things I wanted - like clothing, cars, electronics, food, etc. - I found that I was still unfulfilled. I also found that all my life I'd dreamt of going to college and moving away from home and once I'd done it, I had never planned beyond that.

Eventually I began making other plans for things to accomplish during my lifetime - things like seeing the world, getting a M.S. degree, buying property, going on a cruise. Still somewhat materialistic, but goals nonetheless.

So here I am working on my M.S. degree, with plans of traveling to Nigeria next April since my college roommate is getting married, and I wonder - I know there has to be more to life than this right? Or at least that's what I used to think...

I'm at a point in my life where I truly believe I've discovered my purpose - to help others. I mean I truly enjoy helping others accomplish their goals in life. Some call me scatterbrained because of the million things that are constantly going on in my head or because of the random knowledge I have or because of the innate sense of connecting people to resources. But I've always felt that everything I do, everything I know is nothing if I'm not using it for a much greater purpose than myself.

It's a strange feeling...but it's almost as if I DON'T help those around me, I feel like I'm doing a disservice to the WORLD. Some call me crazy, but it's the truth.

Now that I'm truly in a position where I've "made it" I feel like I HAVE to give back. I mean there are children in my community losing their lives because they want to chase the green. Aren't I my brother's keeper? Isn't it MY responsibility to let them know that once you get to that point, it's not all it's cracked up to be? If not me, then who? Who am I supposed to leave that responsibility to save my neighborhood to? Politicians? Aldermen and women who are yet still chasing the green themselves? Who would rather make money and have meetings and rub elbows and brown nose rather than make real change?

I can't. I wish I could, but if I can't. If I didn't speak up or make changes or at the very least TRY to make a difference, how could I look myself in the face? How could I sleep at night?

So for all those socially conscious people making a difference that I missed out on during the ignorance of my youth and self centered stage - I apologize. I'm not there yet, I'm still discovering who I am, but I'm trying my best not to miss another opportunity to grow, another opportunity to meet someone new, another opportunity to get out of all the boxes be them BGLO, Female, African American, Afrocentric - whatever. I get out.

Fighting, Feeding and Growing

2008-04-21T21:40:00.000-04:00

When the fighters are all around
All the lovers are underground
No one will save you anymore
So what’s happenin, what you rappin about let’s see boy
Is it cars, is it girls, is it money, the world?
Fighters by Lupe Fiasco

While speaking to a young woman today about where she was going in life, what she saw in her future, I found myself trying my damnedest to encourage her, to get her to see what I saw in her. She spoke about some of the people who were in her life and some of the things she was being shown and how the two didn’t coincide. I agreed with her wholeheartedly. Sometimes, the people in our life right now can not exist in the same space with some of our dreams, goals and destinies. It’s hard to comprehend that these people won’t be around forever sometimes because some of these people have been around our entire lives. Some of these people have been in our lives for a less time, but are still just as hard to imagine life without them.

In any event, the question is - are you willing to fight for your dream? Are you willing to fight to get where you want to be, where you can already see yourself clearly? I’m a believer that the enemy dispatches his soldiers to keep us in the same places we’ve always been. To keep us in the same mindset, to keep us around the same people, to keep us in the same places mentally, physically and financially. The problem is that as long as we’re hanging around the same people, in the same places we’ve always been, we can’t see that we aren’t growing. Anything not growing is dead. No doubt about it, no questions asked – just dead.

So how do I keep from dying? How do I stay alive? The good news is there is in fact a way. However, there’s only one way to stay alive – and that’s to GROW!

Well how exactly do I do that? I’ve heard that faith as small as a mustard seed is enough to cause a change. This is true. However, you must water that seed in order for it to grow, in order to get to the next stage of life. If you only have mustard seed faith and never water it, all you’ll ever have is a seed. You’ll never get anything worth something from it. Can you imagine having a pocketful of seeds, but never watering them? How would you get the “fruit” or the produce from them? If your children were hungry, and you had a pocket full of seeds, would you water them or would you let them starve? That’s how faith is…if you plan to get “fed” from that faith, you have to water it. Eventually that small seed will grow and becomes as large as some of the largest trees around. So in a personal sense, what is the water? How can I water my seed?

Your “water” can be anything that causes you to become better, anything that causes you to do more, anything that causes you to grow. Now I’m not going to lie, growing is uncomfortable and sometimes even painful. It takes determination and most importantly a fighter spirit. Or as my Pastor says a pit bull mentality. If you’ve ever seen a pit bull attack something, once they get a hold to it, their jaws lock and won’t let go for anything. If a pit bull ever gets a hold of you, its jaws will have to literally be pried apart because no matter what, nothing is making that pit bull let go of its hold on you. If you plan to accomplish your dreams and goals in life, that’s exactly how you have to be about holding onto them. You have to be willing to grab a hold of them and not let anyone or anything force you to let go. You have to get to the point where you are going to fight to the death to accomplish what you’ve set out to do. When I say fight, I mean fight so hard that those watching you are encouraged to the point that they want to help you fight. That’s how you have to fight for your own growth. Why? Because in all honesty, this is all about survival. If this is truly your destiny, that means this is something you’ve been put here on this earth to accomplish. That means if you aren’t doing it, it’s not being done and there are a whole host of people going without and essentially dying - all because you aren’t living and walking in your purpose and destiny. Now back to the water analogy – how do you water your seed?

For me, searching the web is my water. I research the different questions I have during the day – about career choices, about questions others have had, whatever. Talking to others about not only their goals and dreams, but about my own causes me to grow. I assist others and in the same breath, they are assisting me as well. The music I listen to is my water. When I tell people that I only listen to music that makes me feel good, they limit me to gospel. Don’t get me wrong; I love Tye Tribbett and Kirk Franklin just as much as the next person. But Jill Scott, Black Star, Lupe, and Outkast are also some of the artists that encourage me.

You see your “water” doesn’t only have to relate to church or gospel music. Yes, I try to feed myself with the Word of God as well. One thing to stay mindful of is that no matter what you “eat” you are in fact feeding yourself. Whether you choose to eat grease (which causes heart attacks and decreases your energy) or something healthy like leafy green vegetables (which boost your energy and assists toxins to exit your digestive system) you ARE in fact feeding yourself.

So the question is, WHAT are you feeding yourself? Are you pursuing a dream worth fighting for? Are you watering that seed and seeing GROWTH as a result?

2008-04-17T15:08:00.000-04:00

So what happens if you are following all the steps...you've completed the assessment so you know what type you are according to Meyers-Briggs, you've identified your passions in life, you're applying to only those positions that are inside your field of interest, but for some reason you're just not getting any callbacks. What do you do now? Keep at it! Don't grow weary in well doing. Stay positive...this is a marathon, not a sprint!

Case in point: I've applied for quite a few positions as of late. But for some reason I'm not getting them. I know my cover letter and resume are on point - I've submitted them to others for review - one of whom works in resume review. And I've received rave reviews. I even applied for a position as a Career Coach with my current company. I KNOW I'm qualified, I have experience in the field, albeit volunteer, but experience nonetheless. But I was still turned down.

What does that mean? Am I tripping and maybe I'm not as good a candidate as I think? NOT! Most likely, I'm simply not the candidate they are looking for. My current employer has this strange habit of designing job titles and descriptions that don't actually fit the duties of the position. So when I was asked in a pre-interview questionnaire what I thought the job entailed, more than likely that's what got me.

My co-workers and I joke all the time about whether or not we work in a call center. The truth of the matter is that we do. But for some strange reason, our superiors seem to not want us to think that way. I find it amusing at best. The words "call center" are replaced with "phone technology" and "academic advising" when in reality we are customer service.

So where do I go from here? I apply for positions outside of my company, first of all. If I already know the history of this place, why stay? DON'T! I research effective resumes online, if I haven't already. And if I have, then I find even more suggestions to make my resume and coverletter stand out even more.

Farrah Gray has stated that sometimes our destiny isn't what we think it is. Sometimes there are walls placed in front of us like mazes to force us to go in another direction. So when you hit a wall, that's when it's time to come back to those initial questions:

1) What have I been put here to do?

Most definitely to help others. I have a thirst and hunger and knowledge of all things and I love using that knowledge to either connect people who wouldn't have met otherwise or to provide a tidbit of useful information at just the right time.

2) Am I doing what it takes to get to where I want to be?

I think so. I'm applying for only those positions that appeal to my passions and interests. I'm being honest in my coverletter about what exactly I'm looking for in my next position and what makes me qualified for that particular position.

3) Is there anything that I haven't done or that I can do better?

I know that I've slowdragged my feet on writing a coverletter for a few positions. So I can more aggressively apply for jobs so that instead of sitting here stewing in my dislike for the new policies at my current company, I can actually DO something about it.

For the Love of Money

2008-04-10T15:06:00.000-04:00

So this nonprofit that I was SOOOO excited to work with? Turns out the "Executive Director" appears to just be another sheisty guy looking to make a quick buck by operating under the guise of a 501(C)3 organization.

It's actually pretty sad when you think about it. Here is someone who has a website, a brochure, other marketing materials and is collecting donations. Yet, somehow he's only managed to provide ONE scholarship to a student that was referred to him through his job. I wouldn't necessarily mind that at all ... IF you did not work for a proprietary institution AND you were paid bonuses based on the students you convinced to attend school online. In essence, the "scholarship" you provided was no more than payment to get that student on your roster. Sounds very unethical.

And it took all of 4 days to figure this out. By nature, I am a skeptic. Not on purpose or anything like that, it's just that I for one do NOT tolerate being sold on ANYTHING. My feelings and reading tells me that whenever you have a true quality product, it will sell itself. Up until this point in my life, I've found that to be true. I mean if you have a sincere heart and a genuine purpose, people will WANT to support you. When you are forced to hard sell something, that generally means you're trying and have to convince me to see your point of view.

That's not right. At least not for me. So, oh well. What seemed like the perfect opportunity actually became the ultimate learning lesson.

Lessons Revisited:
1) Question everything.
2) In God we trust, everyone else requires proof. (which means ask for physical evidence)
3) If your questions are met with offense, someone is obviously doing something unethical. So watch out and when things go south you have NO ONE to blame but yourself!

Just Do It!

2008-04-07T16:36:00.000-04:00

So I officially began my graduate program last week. I have to admit, I am more than a little excited about it. In case you forgot, I am pursuing a M.S. in Nonprofit Management.

Class began on Thursday and as I was telling someone about my new love interest, another co-worker overheard me and asked me a series of questions about why I was interested in that particular arena - especially considering that I work in for profit education. So we discussed a couple of things and wouldn't you know he founded a nonprofit organization back in 2006?

In any event, I met one his board members and am now the Assistant Director of Programs for the foundation. I am extremely excited about it. Currently, it is a volunteer position, which means one more thing I'm adding to my plate, but this is a huge opportunity for me to put my degree to use immediately. In addition, he's been giving me a wealth of information to prepare me for when I start my own nonprofit.

Life is good...and all because I took the initial step and enrolled in school. So what does this mean? JUST DO IT!!! Believe me, everything else will fall into place.

How Do I Find It?

2008-03-30T13:52:00.000-04:00

I facilitated a workshop yesterday for a group of high school students. It was absolutely amazing! There were truly some brilliant minds in that room - the intensity of the questions asked, the comments and solutions offered were truly above and beyond what some adults can even articulate. Let me say this - whatever you do, we have to give back to our youth. They deserve to know the truth about themselves, their hopes and their dreams.

The question was asked by one of the students, how do I find my passion? Immediately I thought of Farrah Gray's Get Real, Get Rich:

1) What comes easy to you, but harder to others? (Think of things you're complimented on, this may be a special talent that you are called weird for like cooking amazing meals, flower arranging, or talking - like myself! This is your natural talent, that you might be taking for granted.)

2) What would you do nonstop and never have to get paid for it? (The joy of making money is fleeting, imagine having a great time making the money for whatever you're doing but the money is just a bonus.)

3) How can you be of service and give back to others? (The more we give, the more we receive. Giving back can include giving money, volunteer hours, etc. You can add value to society simply by operating in your talent and fulfilling a need that exists.)

A few years before I had read Farrah's book, I'd spent a lot of my free time trying to figure out what some of my key talents were. Though I had a knack for numbers, I wouldn't exactly say I was passionate about them. This is where another valuable resource came in:

Do What You Are by Paul Tieger and Barbara Barron-Tieger. It's a book of career suggestions based on a personality assessment. You can take a quick version of the assessment here.

Based on the four letter code you get as a result, you can then go to this website for more information on potential careers and a strengths and weaknesses assessment.

Honestly and truly, this book worked wonders for my life. At the time, I had just gotten fired from my accounting job and I was really looking for something meaningful to do with my life. I knew accounting wasn't it, especially since I had just spent the last month or so looking at myself in the work bathroom mirror at work and saying "I am not an accountant. I don't look or feel like an accountant. I can't believe I'm working in corporate america for some company that does nothing for my community. I should have went to law school." Literally, these were the thoughts I had been having. So when I got fired, it was a blessing. I would finally be forced to find out what my interests were, to find out what I was really interested in and what I truly wanted to do with my life.

On February 14, 2007 my car slid on black ice and was hit by 2 semi trucks. Though I was in graduate school at the time working on leadership development, which I loved - that further solidified the fact that I had to work in an arena I was passionate about.

As much as we'd like to believe we are independently thinking creatures, sometimes it really does take a literal PUSH to get you where you are destined to be in life. That's why I can't really hate on the family I was raised in, the haters I endured, the horrible teachers and managers I've had, the accident, etc. Because had it not been for them, I would be complacent. I would have been okay staying in the same places I had always been in, never moving forward, never getting better.

What is Passion?

2008-03-28T14:05:00.001-04:00

I mean I hear all the motivational speakers discussing it. Every once in a while when I see people who are studying the arts, they discuss it. It seems most people are missing it. There are movies about it - think Passion of the Christ. But really what is PASSION?
For different people, it may mean different things. For me however, it means wanting and yearning to do something. Case in point: I'm passionate about education. Educating myself, educating others - it really doesn't matter. I feel literally driven to educate through googling random ideas I've had throughout the day, reading new books, being nosy - ahem, inquisitive- about others' lives and ideas and their reason for living. I can honestly say I'm passionate about learning new things. I recently read an article about passion that stated if you're passionate about what you're doing on a day to day basis, you won't have to set goals. That makes a whole lot of sense.

I currently work in a metrics driven environment where we are constantly reminded of the goals and metrics we have to meet. You have to make X number of phone calls per day, you have to contact Y number of students, you have to register Z number of classes, your shift time should be this number, your lunch time should be this other number and so on and so forth.

But what if we were truly passionate about serving students? What if we were driven to connect to each of our students because we truly loved the work we were doing? Would the numbers and metrics then take care of themselves?

I wonder about this as I sit in "ready" status, not really feeling driven to make another phone call. Instead, I feel extremely led to share and chronicle this real life experience in written form.

So the question that I constantly pose to others who find themselves in similar situations is: So what are you going to DO about it?

Good question. I know without a shadow of a doubt that I'm not very passionate about the job that I do full time. The job that pays my bills. So what action am I going to take? I could easily say, well this job pays my car note. I already have a second job, I don't have time to look for another one. I could say there are so many people unemployed right now, I'm happy I have a job. And all of that would be true. But none of those EXCUSES would be solving the situation at hand.

The situation is I'M NOT PASSIONATE ABOUT MY JOB, SO WHAT NOW? Well let's see. What am I passionate about? I already mentioned education. I love educating others. So I began this blog so that others could hopefully read about my experiences and learn from them. I've also enrolled and start next week in a Master's program so that I can become more educated about the nonprofit field. That will help me become more confident and well versed in a field I have TONS of interest in. It will also prepare me to run my own business. Am I passionate about writing? I'm still figuring that out. One thing I know for certain is that I love talking to people, so every chance I get, I'm talking to others about their passions. Trying to reveal something new to them. In the meantime, you'll never believe what's happened.

The passion that didn't exist for my job has now evolved. Though I'm not all that passionate about the duties so to speak, I find passion in other aspects of my job. I love talking to people right? So call that student. Especially the few that I actually enjoy speaking with! One bite at a time, I find a way to eat the elephant. One segment at a time, I find things that I actually enjoy about my job and it becomes a lot more enjoyable. So look at that...I direct the focus on the good things (my passion) and magically the focus is removed from I don't particularly care for.

Inspired by the following article: http://www.alistercameron.com/2007/04/28/if-you-dont-have-passion-and-purpose-greater-productivity-wont-help-you/

Follow Your Dreams

2008-03-27T18:25:00.000-04:00

I began in my mind as a paralegal. My math teacher pushed me toward making an attorney my journey, but since I really liked Math and counting, being an accountant literally sounded like the perfect choice. I mean, counting, accounting sounds similar so if I like one, quite naturally I'll like the other right? Right.

Attended a vocational high school, majored in accounting. Went to a community college, majored in accounting. Went to a Big Ten University and guess what? Majored in accounting. Graduated and went into the accounting field. Somewhere along the way of falling asleep while reading course descriptions while a student, falling asleep while in class and falling asleep while at work it never dawned on me that maybe my dream had changed.

I mean, true, I'd spend all this time thinking, planning, wanting to be an accountant. So now that I'd discovered a new ME, what now? I mean I'd already spent all of this money on this prestigious degree. I'd moved from one side of the country to the other for this profession. Do I simply walk away from all of that and decide on something else? YES! But what about all the time and effort I'd placed into it? In accounting, we call that a sunk cost. That means money spent in the past should have no bearing on future decision making. Instead, the focus should be on the future and what you plan to get out of the decision you made. In my case, my accounting degree would do absolutely nothing for my future so the fact that I'd spent so much money on it in the past had no bearing on how happy I would be in the future. Makes sense? Good.

Motivation

2008-03-27T13:37:00.000-04:00

What is it? Where did it come from? Why do some have booku amounts of it, whereas others have none at all?

I ask myself this question as I return from my trip down "Reading Lane", not memory lane mind you...at least not memories of my own. I'm coming down off a high of reading about others' stories. About their lives, their destinies, their travels and their downfalls. I've been kicking it in the blogosphere, jumping from one person's favs to another.

And it makes me think. Why am I so motivated to improve? I mean from what I can tell, I grew up in your average working/lower class family. Single family home, 3rd child of 4. Both brothers have been incarcerated more than once. Yet I'm the only one who went to college. Some reports say that children who are exposed to more, who experience more, who know more in turn want more for themselves. Hmm...something to think about definitely.

So as a child who's mother spent more time building her son's activity repertoire than her daughters', where did my motivation and thirst for more originate?

More than likely from reading. My family tells me that even as a child more days than not you could find me doing one of two things: talking your ear off and asking a gazillion and one questions or in the corner reading a book. I mean there was no in between. So much that I got the nickname "Radio". Funny how some things DON'T change.

Nowadays, you can either find me questioning the hell out of your motivations and your eventual goals or reading some blog, newsletter or book. So while some blame their single parents for who they've become, I thank mine. Without me constantly moving from one state to another, I may not have ever become accustomed to change. Without being read to as a child, I may not have ever learned how to use my imagination to the extent of becoming an idea MACHINE (literally). Both of those things led to MY motivation...a thirst for new things, ideas, concepts and my ability to jump in feet first without regard for fear - most times.

What motivates you?

Day One

2008-03-27T00:30:00.000-04:00

Welcome WWW :D Well here I am...though one of my long term goals is to one day get paid through my blog, I've decided to start this one if for no other reason than to keep track of all the blogs I enjoy reading on a daily basis. A little bit about me...i'm passionate about pursuing your purpose and passion in life. I mean I'm so bout it, bout it that if given the opportunity I'll do my best to encourage even the strangest of strangers to just GO FOR IT! In any event...in the coming months I'm sure we'll get quite cozy with one another. For now, just know that I love ME, music, cultures, MEN, food and life. Probably in that order too, lol. How do you do?